Allowing the Pain of Grief

Don’t Avoid Pain

It is human nature for us to steer clear of pain; most of us try to avoid it at all cost. It is also an instinctual response to protect the ones we love from hurting, especially children. However, there is no successful way to avoid pain when experiencing grief. With grief there is pain; the two go hand in hand. That statement sounds so cold and absolute but once you experience the grief and pain in full, you will be free to move forward toward recovery. The pain associated with grief hurts tremendously; sometimes it’s downright brutal. Though you may be tempted, don’t run from it; stand firm and confront it head-on. The pain you feel in the moment of grief is not how you will feel forever. There is a hope of a brighter future without the all-consuming grief. Sometimes that may seem unfathomable, but it is possible. However, the pain must be allowed to stay for a time so you can deal with your grief and work through the issues and emotions it brings. Give yourself permission to explore your feelings that are wrapped up in the pain, and allow yourself to feel the hurt. Pain can be scary, so there is a tendency to hide from it, but if you don’t completely experience the sorrow, it can eventually grow stronger.

Don’t Rush Your Grief

Be patient and don’t rush your grief, but allow it to come. You will not always feel the way you do right now, so go ahead and enter straight into the grief. You may feel that if you let your guard down to the grief, you will never recover, that you will fall into some dark pit. On the contrary, once you feel the pain, and give it the time it needs and work through it, you will see that it begins to diminish and lose its power. You will notice that pain and grief no longer dominate you, and then slowly, each will begin to subside. As time passes, the pain that once gripped your heart will loosen its hold and you will be able to remember the past with a smile. You will become a stronger version of yourself.

Hope for the Future

By recognizing your loss and agreeing to mourn, you will begin your healing process. Say out loud, “I allow myself to mourn my loss. I agree to feel the pain on my grief journey because I know I will feel better one day.” Talk with someone in your support system or journal about the way it felt to make that declaration. There is a hope for a positive and happy future and there is a hope for a more peaceful and joyful you!